Dec. 22, 2015

Point of No Return

 

“Beyond a certain point there is no return. This point has to be reached.”  Franz Kafka (The Zürau Aphorisms)

 

I have picked up a several silver chips since 2004 when I first walked into the room of my 12 step program.   The silver chip reminds me that I am ready to get sober or that I am coming back to sobriety.  Why do I think this time will be different?  Because every drunk has to reach their bottom and I don’t want a bottom worse than my last one.  A friend of mine asked me what did I do that was so bad to make me quit drinking again.  What was my bottom?  My bottom revealed a person unrecognizable to me.  I had become a person I would pity, fear, and avoid at all cost.  I have heard fellow alcoholics say even after years of sobriety they can remember their last drunk and they do not want to forget it.  Recovery teaches us “not to regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.”   I want my last drunk to be my bottom.  I don’t want to continue to have guilt, shame or remorse, but I do want to remember it.  I want to remember it, because I don’t want to ever repeat it.  Alcohol when abused can cause so much hurt and pain.  I had to reach this point and I don’t ever want to forget it.