Dec. 23, 2015

I Will Go To Any Length

"Believing in progress does not mean believing that any progress has yet been made." Franz Kafka (The Third Notebook, December 4, 1917)

 

Striving for progress and not for perfection is an important tenet of a recovery program.  I didn’t drink today.  I didn’t drink yesterday or the day before, but today I felt stagnant.  It has been a hard day.  Even though I didn’t drink I did not work my program.  Yes, I got up.  I prayed.  I meditated.  I thanked my God for letting me wake up sober.  I read my big book.  I went to work and met my obligations.  Then, I had a few thoughts and I stayed there in my head.  I didn’t pray.  I didn’t call another alcoholic.  I didn’t do anything to help another person.  I did text my sponsor, but I pretended all was well.  I almost didn’t go to a meeting.  I wanted to go home and be a recluse.  But, I knew I needed to go to a meeting.  I am grateful for the fellowship of other alcoholics because they remind me that when I get into my thoughts and stay there I have the tools to move me forward.  When I get down or when I have negative thoughts I know how to stop the tape.  I can pray.  I can meditate. I can call another alcoholic.  I can help someone.  I did none of these.  

Many people have ups and downs and have to deal with these emotions.  I am not unique.  What separates alcoholics is that we can’t go home and be a recluse on days like this.  We must be willing to go to any length to stay sober.  I didn’t have a desire to drink today, but if I had not gone to a meeting I would have gone home and stayed in my self.  Staying in my self is what keeps me from progressing in my recovery.  When I don’t progress I drink.  I am grateful for the little bit of progress that kept me sober today.