Dec. 23, 2015

You Can't Be An Alcoholic and Not Talk About Acceptance

“If one were only an Indian, instantly alert, and on a racing horse, leaning against the wind, kept on quivering jerkily over the quivering ground, until one shed one’s spurs, for there needed no spurs, threw away the reins, for there needed no reins, and hardly saw that the land before one was smoothly shorn heath when horse’s neck and head would be already gone.”  Franz Kafka (The Wish To Be a Red Indian-The Shorter Stories)

I wish.  I wish I could be different.  I wish I could think like normal people.  I wish I could change things I have done.  I wish.  I can wish for my life to be different, but I must accept I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this moment.  Recovery teaches me that acceptance is the answer to all of my problems.  The very first and most important thing I had to accept is that I am an alcoholic and that my life had become unmanageable.  This seems like an easy thing to do if I think of where alcoholism has taken me, but it is something I must say to myself every day or I will forget and slip back into my old patterns.  Once I accept this I can grow spiritually because my mind and my spirit become in sync.  The next thing I must accept are people, places and things.  If I am disturbed by a person, place or situation I must accept it or I will not have serenity.  I can either disengage from the situation, I can pause and keep my mouth shut or I can pause and not react.  This stops the chaos and usually works out without any reaction on my part.  I can change what I can change, but if I can’t change something then I must accept it and I must be clear enough in my thinking to know which of these I can or cannot do.  I have a friend, a fellow alcoholic, who says if the house is on fire she knows to call 911.  But, there are some situations I must let my God and the universe take care of and they will work out in time with or without me.  I wish I could be 5 feet 8, but I accept that I will always be 5 feet 3. Today I don’t have to wish.  I can change what I can and what I can’t I am learning to let go.