Dec. 26, 2015

Who Should I Be Kind To Today?

“Today I do not even dare to reproach myself.  Shouted into this empty day, it would have a disgusting echo.”   Franz Kafka (Diaries

As an alcoholic I have a hard time forgiving myself for the things I said and did when I was drunk.  I can forgive others and as part of my recovery I know it is imperative that I let go of resentments.  Once I do this and look back it is almost laughable some of the silliness that hurt me.  Even if the hurts are valid, the freedom of letting go by forgiving others is exhilarating.  Applying this to myself is another story.  I’ve come to realize that holding onto these thoughts is a form of selfishness and self-pity.  If I wallow in these thoughts of my past and don’t let them go then I allow myself to descend into the quagmire of self-pity.  Self-pity can become as comfortable as my sofa.  I cannot be productive in this place.  Today I cannot afford to have these thoughts and hear this disgusting echo of self-pity.  Today I am going to let go and be productive.  I will be kind to myself today.