Dec. 27, 2015

Staying On Task

“Being alone has a power over me that never fails.  My interior dissolves and is ready to release what lies deeper.  A slight ordering of my interior begins to take place and I need nothing more, for disorder is the worst thing in small talents.”   Franz Kafka (Diaries)

Disorder in my thoughts is painful.  Drinking for fun or drinking to escape became my crutch to overcome any disorder in my life.  Each time I have come back to recovery I have followed the suggestions of my fellow alcoholics.  Start each morning and close each evening with prayer and mediation.  After a while I have allowed life to get in the way of this important part of my recovery.  In the beginning I am in such pain that I will do anything to overcome such agony.  Then as time passes I begin to feel better, and I think I can charge into my day without any time of reflection and structure.  When I stop and allow myself to become centered I have a different approach in most all I do in my daily life.  Life happens and situations may still come at me like a boulder chasing a cartoon character, but daily time alone in prayer and mediation is key to my recovery.  I begin to understand what is happening in that visceral part of me where I have allowed chaos to rule.  Daily reflection can eclipse the vision of bedlam I have created in my mind.