“It will be hard to rouse me, and yet I am restless.” Franz Kafka (Diaries)]
I think I know why I have been restless. Today I pick up my 60 Day Chip. This is a reminder that I have not had a drink in 60 days. Today is actually 61 days, but since my last drink was on the 30th it makes it easier to remember. The 30th. My sobriety date. It is interesting that I started feeling restless yesterday. My true 60 days. I didn’t even think about this until I was praying and mediating this morning. This will not be the first time, nor the 2nd time and not even the 3rd time I have picked up a 60 Day Chip. Then, why do I think this time will be different? This made me anxious. Why am I, once again, putting so much effort into sobriety and a program of recovery when I know my pattern?
The thought made me want to lie down and quit. But the great thing about recovery, it gets into my spirit and my mind and I remember how good life is when I am sober. Sobriety is a lot more than not drinking alcohol. Sober is being clearheaded. It takes work to be clearheaded. I have found through my recovery that working on my spirit leads to sober thinking which leads to contentment. I am choosing a new pattern. A pattern of recovery. I’m going to pick up my 60 Day Chip and continue living my life of recovery.