This Makes Perfect Sense to Me
“How out of one mystery there always comes a greater one!” Franz Kafka (Diaries)
Just when I think I have one thing figured out I face a new dilemma. This is life. I learned to mask hurts, insecurities and fears at a young age. Humor was my way of making everything appear okay on the outside as I was dying on the inside. Through my recovery I am slowly learning this. Inside every human being lies hurts and disappointments. Inside alcoholics with our brain chemistry combined with our human hurts and disappointments is a clashing. A clashing of what? Today I sit and ponder what I have not achieved and the hopes and dreams I have not realized. Today I see what I have in my arsenal of memories and experiences. Some of these bring great sadness and some bring great joy. The mystery I have solved today is that I can find joy and contentment in total clarity. The clarity of reality. The clarity of where I am today. Then, I realize today is not where I want to be, but it is a start. This is the greater mystery.