Jan. 2, 2016

This Makes Perfect Sense to Me

“How out of one mystery there always comes a greater one!”  Franz Kafka (Diaries)

 

Just when I think I have one thing figured out I face a new dilemma.  This is life.  I learned to mask hurts, insecurities and fears at a young age.  Humor was my way of making everything appear okay on the outside as I was dying on the inside.  Through my recovery I am slowly learning this.  Inside every human being lies hurts and disappointments.  Inside alcoholics with our brain chemistry combined with our human hurts and disappointments is a clashing.  A clashing of what?  Today I sit and ponder what I have not achieved and the hopes and dreams I have not realized.  Today I see what I have in my arsenal of memories and experiences.  Some of these bring great sadness and some bring great joy.  The mystery I have solved today is that I can find joy and contentment in total clarity.  The clarity of reality.  The clarity of where I am today.  Then, I realize today is not where I want to be, but it is a start.  This is the greater mystery.