Feb. 22, 2016

Cruel to be Kind

“Occasionally I feel an unhappiness which almost dismembers me, and at the same time am convinced of its necessity and of the existence of a goal to which one makes one’s way by undergoing every kind of unhappiness. “ Franz Kafka, Diaries, March 13, 1915

Pain means we are growing.  When we make it on the other side of pain, we reflect and can usually see that we learned from what tormented us.   Personally, I would rather not have to experience pain, but I do know every time I have gone through a time in my life where I was hurting I can always look back and feel a sense of strength that I made it through the agony.  Four months ago I would have never thought I could feel the strength that I feel now.  I have had many emotional ups and downs, and I know I will still have them, but they are becoming less and less frequent.  Even as recent as a couple of weeks ago I was emotionally fragile, but each day that I set my intentions and move forward I am finding a strength rise out of the unhappiness and despair I once felt.  All of my problems and emotions were not related to alcohol, but alcohol magnified them.  I know as long as I move forward, do the next right thing and do not drink the sadness and that dismembering unhappiness is slowly being replaced with contentment.  I do feel comfort at times in the pain.  Pain allows me to stop, reflect and grow.  And, I do want to grow.  I am grateful to be at a place where I know that God has a plan for me in my sobriety, and I can grow through my contentment.